it’s really funny how much i’ve changed in the past year. i have begun to see things i have never seen before. sometimes i see things that are good, and other times i wish i hadn’t notice them. i actually sat at the comp to do some english hw…but i found i can’t with so much on my mind.

i know i’ve been gone and MIA in the past weeks due to vision. with some people i come back and it’s like i have never been gone. we pick up where we left off. with other people i thought i hated and people that used to irritate me, i come back and see that they’re not so bad after all. and with some (not all) that i had lovingly called my BFFs and buddies…i really don’t know what happened. i come back and it’s like i need to rebuild the friendship again. and when i do try to, it’s like building on a foundation that was never there. it’s really sad i know…i know a bunch of people that i don’t see often. those friends that i see once or if i’m lucky, twice a year. the thing is, when we do see each other, we pick up right where we leave off. and now to see “friends” that i’ve been hanging out with since FOREVER, spend A LOT of time with, shared secrets with, look at me different. it’s enough to drive me mad.

yes, i am aware that i have changed in many ways this year. not all of them for the better…some for the worse even. i do know that. but it’s what i choose to do with the change that makes me different. i’m not going to turn my head and pretend it’s not there. i want to see my flaws and work on them.  if you’re a potter, you KNOW for a fact that you won’t get the perfect piece on the first throw. you’re going to have to break the clay down over and over and over and over and start from scratch over and over and over again to get the finished product. i’m not finished. i’m still growing, finding my flaws, and being built up. it’s really hard to call someone who doesn’t wish to be part of your growing process a friend. a friend is NOT someone who ONLY wants the finished product and is absent for the rest of the building. in fact, a friend is someone who goes down with you, and later comes up with you. for better or for worse. and i am really sorry to say, some of you (not all) have made me think twice about the times we’ve spent together. what happened to those times???? are they invalid now that our differences have come out???? i won’t let something as insignificant as that get in the way. but will you?