the (almost) daily blah

growing slowly

Posted by: j9 sy on: February 7, 2010

someone said i grew in the past few weeks. WELL SIDEWAYS. MUAHAHA. i kid. according to shaina darling it’s hard to see growth from the inside. i guess that’s true. it’s kind of funny how i dont get SUPER DUPER DUPER dissapointed with people or with outcomes. in fact, i’m still like hopeful. about what? i really dont know. it’s like those birds…that WONT DIE. hope just flutters around. it might hit a few things, but it’s still there.

i can’t believe the retreat is this weekend. i totally forgot about it. i asked God to surprise me. i’m sure He’ll deliver, i just dont know in what shape or form. so that should be exciting.

vision tour is coming up. and the tennis situation isn’t looking any better. but i’m not a tennis player anymore. i’m a CHRISTIAN that happens to play tennis. it’s kind of odd/difficult/energy consuming. but i have to tell myself that every single time i step on the court. to really ground myself in my identity as a christian first and everything else second. well i guess that’s growth.

this was so pointless. but OH WHELPS.

love is patient love is kind

Posted by: j9 sy on: February 2, 2010

vision retreat was last weekend. and i ABSOLUTELY am smitten with the team this year. JUST SMITTEN!  well, there’s always like that ONE person i can’t stand. and the funny thing is, i can already see myself being put in a room with her. haha. LESSON LEARNED. but like at the beginning of the year, i really had no idea that i would LOVEEEEE this team so much. i came back kind of at an awkward time. i’m older but have the same number of tours as them under my belt. so i’m not like a designated leader, but i feel like i do carry some weight. so i totally expected to have it like “get in get out” in terms of my associations with the girls. but i never expected to really learn to love them. and i actually want to hang out and really get to know them. i dont know if i mentioned this, but we usually spend a lot of time praying for each other after practices. i truly treasure those times. and the COOL thing is, they’re not all arrogant pubescent teenagers!! well, most of them arent. but STILL. i was super impressed with their maturity and all. God lesson for today: don’t judge! sometimes it feels like you’re going to be friends and pals with people for a long time. i think this is one of those instances :))))))) well i was thinking. so since i love MOST of the team so much. i guess i need to love her too? caaaause love is patient love is kind. well now i’m thinking about it. and its actually pretty funny. i mean, God has to deal with me EVERY SINGLE day. like my icky, arrogant, poopy self and yet He stills loves me. cause love is patient love is kind. goal for this summer, name three good things about this girl. and MAYBE, just MAYBE learn to love her.

we focused on the idea of worship and jonah story over the weekend. so here’s my throw up style thoughts and what i got out of it. jonah is actually a silly fool like myself. this silly goose prayed for DAMNATION over a people he was supposed to save. and got angry at God from saving them from destruction. if that’s not silly, what is? he also didn’t even want to go to where God explicitly called him to go. but God STILL used him to save a WHOLE FREAKING city of people. a city of people that were immoral and were known for skinning people alive. God still used jonah despite his faults and just simply reluctance. i think that’s just WILD. cause i’m like that. and the idea of a God that loves me so much that is still willing to use me to further His kingdom despite my poor attitude.

second throw up. God demands our worship. well not like those buddhist gods that DEMAND it, like if you dont pai pai or kow tow, you DIE. no not like that. but our God just revels in our worship. someone once said, that God has angels singing over Him 24/7. which is just amazing. its like the best praise night ever FOREVER AND EVER. and angels probably sound REALLY good with their harps and lutes or whatever they play up there. but even will grade A musicians singing over Him everyday. He still wants our worship. first off, having multitudes sing over something, let alone GOD, for essentially forever, wouldn’t that be enough? and second off, the angels, probably sound so much better than us. we think our tight harmonies are so good, i think not! haha. but this personal God still wants worship from me. and wants to hear me say how much i love Him. AUGH. so frustratingly amazing.

this tour is going to be interesting. so much has happened to me in the last year or so. so many lessons learned the hard way. i feel like i’m learning them to prep for something. could this be it? i’m thinking yes. how exciting, yet scary. but at least i’ll have my OH SO WONDERFUL vision girlies to support me along the way. i love you guys more than you’ll ever know. :)))))

quickie schmickie

Posted by: j9 sy on: January 29, 2010

ins:

YEAAAARBOOK
new baby :xsi
not knowing what’s ahead but knowing you’re taken care of
building friendships while you still can
twitter
back to the bass
hw-free weekend
VISION RETREAT
documentaries
all the LOOoooOOooOve in my life

outs:

lazy-poophead-asian teachers that hate you for no reason
cleaning chemicals that dry your skin
finals
fat/pale
losing golden tan

wow. that was a long quickie. i think my quickies are just…happy vomit :))))

i really love it when i find people that just mean the WORRRRLD to me. and right now, its a whole lotta people :))))

swamped in part:I

Posted by: j9 sy on: January 20, 2010

i am going to make the most out of this this nonsense called evacuating. but i have so much hw to do!!! so i will just blog MUAHAHA. about nothing really. i would find pics to put up, but i was being dumb and left my NEW camera at home. so i’ll just write about how dumb i was and wore moccasins to school. long story short, they got wet and so did i.

okay thats about it. there’s an xbox 360 and ps3 at this house and a prett good tv. i am going to milk this experience for all its worth. there’s always a silver lining ;)

rain rain go away

Posted by: j9 sy on: January 19, 2010

i’m like sitting here. in the same place i was a few months ago. having to get up and leave and not really know what’s going to happen. like okay, at that time the fires seemed really imminent and almost inevitable. but just ended up to be all hype and preventive safety measures. this time, i dont know its just different. cause like i don’t think i’ll be able to go home after school. not go home as in having to commute from pasadena for the rest of the week due to mandatory evacuations. i feel so odd. i have a ton of SHRAAAAAP to do. as in study for hw and pack for the next nights. but i had so much running around in my mind i kind of just want to sit and think.

honestly, the more i think about it. this is just one HUGE inconvenience. i mean zero period from pasadena?!?!? seriously. i have so much school things to do and this is just SUCH bad timing. and i really just want this rain to stop. and i have no idea why people LOVE the rain so much. i really need to tap into God’s strength for the next few days and trust Him. i think that’s about it. other than that, i’m pretty happy that i can sleep knowing that i’ll be taken care of. i just need to believe it. i mean, God MADE the weather, so controlling it should be easy peasy :)

AHA! day

Posted by: j9 sy on: January 10, 2010

You paint the morning sky with miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand
How deep how wide
How great is Your love for me

today like at church that stanza came up. and it kind of slapped me in my face.  especially last week when i lost hope in so many things. but i really shouldn’t i mean, cause like God’s there i guess. how silly of me to forget that :)

i feel like i really wanted to blog about this. OK SO, after vision on saturdays the girls usually split up into small groups to discuss uncle marsh’s devo. and afterwards, we always do prayer requests and really pray for each other. i just wanted to mention how much i cherish those 15 minutes on saturdays. its just so nice getting together and regularly praying for each other. i mean, we really get into it. so its not like “yeah God, just bless her whatever”. all the energy that just flows when we pray is just amazing. keep it up girls :))

GOAL REACHED. PTL! camera is in the mail as i type

beer and zeros

Posted by: j9 sy on: January 7, 2010

i got a zero on an essay i worked really hard on. it was just shocking. like i couldn’t have gotten at least one point for writing it in english. or even 2 points for having print on the paper. i could have got the same score with less than half the effort or even no effort by just turning in a blank sheet. this is humbling. but i’m going to make it this a learning experience. what’s the use of a zero if you can’t learn from it?

i had a really crummy day at school. everything went wrong. i left stuff at home. i broke some dumb model in physio. it was just bad. but i’m so glad i have the most supportive friends like IN THE WORLD. it sounds so cliche and like those words that have lost meaning with its overuse. but i really do love my friends. i can’t seem to brood around them and they seriously are the best. i don’t know any other people that can tolerate my tears and still love me after i’m just so…rotten i guess. i love you guys, and you know who you are :)

fifty dollars to go

rotting away

Posted by: j9 sy on: December 28, 2009

at elite, out teacher said this thing. which i found really interesting. so if elite isn’t good for anything, its good for this thought :) ok so, your body is rotting away. everything physical about us is rotting as each day goes by. and every day, every hour, every second that goes by brings us closer to death. but the things growing inside us are our compassion, kindness, and love for things, keeps growing. all this grows inside us while the rest of our bodies rot. so morbid, but i guess it’s a new way to look at things. oh yeah, $164 more to go :)

its christmastime in the morning

Posted by: j9 sy on: December 25, 2009

i feel like i’m supposed to write something like reallly significant. like “OH its christmas, i lost my leg in a car accident and it grew back!!!! praaaaise the LORD for christmas miracles!!” but i guess no news is good news. haha. well, i could go on a whole tirade on the whole “this year was difficult but i made it” tirade but i’ll save that for new year’s :) this christmas was blessed indeed. i love alll my gurrrrllssss so freaking much. i love it how you all are willing to do stupid things with me and enjoy it. haha. now THAT’S friendship. and thanks to all that donated to the camera fund. its coming to a close a few hundred more and we’re all set

OK SO, this is super random. but like the other day i was walking from the yb lair with all sorts of stuff on me. like i was carrying a box on binders, the lappy, backpack, and all christmas gifts. and like i randomly hear someone say “hey, need help with that?” and i turn around to see some shuai ge de nan sheng. haha. aka, some guy asking if i needed help. he totally made my day. we had a little convo on the way down to the car, and i’m so happy chivalry isn’t dead!!!! yay for boys like that. :)))) so wherever you are clay, keep it up cause girls love that. but yeah that really made my day. if only more guys were like that…with that have a very merry christmas my loves <33333

search me

Posted by: j9 sy on: December 8, 2009

katy perry used to be amazing. like she used to write AMAZINNNNNNNG worship music. her amazingess seems to have worn off a little with time though. the lyrics hit me again

Through this skin You see my heart
Through this laughter you feel my pain
Even through this mask you see my face
For You are the only one who really knows just who I am
And you search me
And you know all the secrets of my heart
And you search me
Revealing the mysteries of who You are
You search me
Growing up never comes easily
In Your hands, You’re the potter
Molding me
Then why do I wear this mask and play this game of hide and seek
When You are the only one who really knows just who I am

My Father, my Father
You are my Father, oh, and I am Your child
And you hear my cry, even at the midnight

 

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